21st Century Anger Management Techniques
by PinkFairy727
Summary: Revenge is good for the soul.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, but I wouldn't say no to a pet pterodactyl.**

**21****st**** Century Anger Management Techniques**

Jack, Owen, Gwen, and Ianto were all standing next to Gwen's desk.

Ianto was addressing the other three team members, his stopwatch in his hand.

"Okay, team, do you all remember the rules?"

Jack and Gwen nodded; the only response from Owen was a nervous twitch of his left hand. He seemed to be eagerly anticipating something.

"Good. Now, remember my decision is final -"

"What if I don't agree with your decision?" Owen interrupted, chucking a snide glance at Jack out of the corner of his eye.

Ianto merely smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Tough. You could try and remember that is not the winning that's important- it's the taking part that counts."

Owen snorted.

"Right. You all have exactly ten minutes starting – now!"

The other three members of the team sprang into action before Ianto had even started his stopwatch.

They all raced to opposite ends of the hub and immediately started tearing it apart in their hurry to find what they believed would be the most effective weapon.

A squeal of triumph informed Ianto, who was now sitting on Gwen's desk so he could better observe the players that Gwen had found what she was looking for.

Ianto quickly jumped off the desk as Gwen starting attacking her PC monitor with a large hammer.

…perhaps Tosh's desk would be a safer place to sit and monitor their actions.

By the time Ianto had relocated himself, Gwen's hard work had been rewarded: after a few heavy swipes at the monitor, it split down the middle with a resounding crack.

Gwen seemed to be very pleased with her actions and after basking in her glory for a few seconds; she shoved the monitor to the ground and started to focus her attention on her keyboard.

Fluent swearing, in four languages that Ianto recognised and at least three he didn't, was soon pouring from Jack's office. Gwen didn't look up, too focused upon her own task to see how Jack was doing in his.

The swearing was accompanied by a number of large bangs.

Ianto soon identified the source: Jack had decided to trash his computer with a hockey stick. He, too, had decided to start with his monitor; however he seemed to be having less success than Gwen. Judging by the even more vulgar language now emanating from Jack's office he still hadn't managed to cause as much damage as he would like.

Ianto's focus returned to Gwen who had now finished with her keyboard and had moved on to the tower. She seemed to be enjoying herself and was looking more relaxed than she had in weeks.

Next time Owen was annoying her perhaps he should give her Owen's IPod and a hammer.

It would be worth buying Owen a new MP3 player just to see the look on his face. Especially if he happened to _accidentally _show Gwen and Jack the Spice Girls greatest hits album he had on there.

A war cry signalled Owen's re-arrival to the hub.

Jack came running down from his office at the noise, even Gwen looked up from her work for a few seconds. This was soon drowned out by the whine of a chainsaw.

With a leap and a cry, Owen was standing on top of his desk and sawing his computer in half.

Ianto had managed to keep a straight face until this point, but the sight of Owen in his white lab coat singing _Another One Bites The Dust_ while waving a chainsaw at his computer was too much.

Tears were streaming down his face.

Owen gleefully informing the computer that, "This. You. Stupid. Bastard. Is. For. Deleting. My. Porn," in between each swing of his chainsaw did nothing to help Ianto's cause.

His stopwatch lay abandoned on the table.

Owen was finally satisfied with his work and he was halfway through a rendition of _I Am the Champion_ when he froze. Ianto recognised the look on Owen's face – the one of manic delight - and it rarely boded well. Scrape that- it _never _boded well.

He watched as Owen dropped the chainsaw and ran into his autopsy room.

Jack, after picking up the chain saw Owen had abandoned, immediately proceeded to start cutting the CCTV cameras in half.

Ianto saw Owen return out of the corner of his eye and turned round. He was running straight for where Ianto was sitting.

Ianto jumped out of the way just in time as a jet of flame scorched the desk where he had been sitting seconds earlier.

Owen was now standing on a chair and holding what looked like a stun gun. Except, the stun guns Ianto used did not usually shoot out six feet of flames when you pressed the trigger. Owen was now pointing the modified gun at Tosh's workstation.

Jack should really keep a closer eye on what toys Owen was allowed to play with.

Ianto's attention, along with everything else's, was immediately drawn over to Gwen. A number of gunshots were still echoing around the hub and the computer nearest Gwen was smoking ominously.

Owen was still pointing his gun at Tosh's computer and Jack was holding the chainsaw above his head at what could soon be a perilously dangerous angle. Everybody was staring at Gwen, open mouthed, as she placed her gun back in her pocket.

"What?" she asked. She was greeted only by open-mouthed stares. She shrugged her shoulders, "It deleted my wedding photos."

A very high pitched and undignified scream caused everybody to snap their attention to the rolling cog door.

They all turned around in time to see the look of complete and utter horror on Tosh's face before she fainted.

Gwen was the first one to speak.

"Er…Does anybody else think we should have told Tosh the new computers are due at three?"

**Like it? Love it? Loath it? Let me know :c) **


End file.
